News flash! Fox 25 News broadcaster Maria Stephanos reports that the Red Sox’s newest pitcher, Daisuke (Dice-K) Matsuzaka is actually Dino Matsusakis from Sommerville. Red Sox GM Theo Epstein (D-Newton) and pitcher Curt Schilling (R-Westwood) discovered the young phenom at The Friendly Eating Place on Mass Ave in Cambridge during the off-season.

Stephanos said Epstein had no comment on a possible connection between the Dino/Dice-K acquisition and the demise of the Greek deli this April. Schilling vehemently denied rumors that the young pitcher’s famous (and famously elusive) gyroball is really nothing more than a silly homage to the Central Square fixture.