It’s finally time to write that continent-sized post that I’ve been mulling for quite a while. After all, we leave for Australia in just 10 days.
I have a hypothesis — I’m full of them, by the way — that Australia and the United States are fraternal twins separated at birth. We (the U.S.) are the headstrong child who left home in a rage in our teenage years and forged a life of power and wealth. Australia is the marginally younger child who stayed close to the parents, even at a great distance — both physical and emotional.*
So how are our two countries similar?
We both speak English — or something like it — and have funny accents. (Well, Wisconsinites do, anyway.) Hugo Weaving and Nicole Kidman can pull off both of our accents very well. I’m fairly convinced, though, that no American can really do an Australian accent without sounding like an idiot.**
We’re approximately the same age in terms of European settlement, and we’ve each had our British colonial experience. Each nation had its own foundational myth that used the legal fiction of terra nullius to dispossess the native population.
We’re approximately the same size (if you leave out Alaska). And we’re both coastal nations, with the majority of our populations living within a few hundred miles of the ocean. And each country/continent has dry, sparsely populated regions full of ranches and deserts — the outback, if you will — where we like to engage in extractive industries and (occasionally) blow up nuclear weapons.
The U.S. and Australia are both “first world,” late capitalist, market-based, bourgeois democracies. We each have relatively low opinions of our governments. Each country has recently experienced troubles with its healthcare system. We even have our own versions of Medicare, too.
We love prisons and “football” and surfing. We both use dollars, which are currently moving away from parity in our favor as travelers. We each have an ABC television network. And we both like off-beat humor and alcohol.
Finally, we’re demographically similar. And each country has a sizable population that worries quite a bit about new immigrants and “boat people.”
Oh yeah, and the sun also rises in the east.
So let’s talk about differences.
Australia and the U.S. are mirror images. As antipodal pairs, we’re in different hemispheres, no matter how you look at it: east-west or north-south. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west; but at midday it will be in the northern sky when we’re in the southern hemisphere. I personally don’t care how water goes down a drain*** — that’s not going to help me navigate anywhere — but the sun being in the wrong place, that’s going to take some getting used to. Then throw in the whole driving on the opposite side of the road. . . .
I’m really, really looking forward to seeing a different set of stars, though.
We each have our own language quirks. Australia has wonky animals, all of which want to kill you. In America, it’s mostly the people who want to kill you. American football uses pads to dull the pain; Australian footballers use nothing more than toughness and alcohol, it would seem.
Now let’s get down to the big, big differences. Australia can go to the Commonwealth Games. We had this little revolution that got us permanently kicked out of the club. Australia stuck around; so HRH Elizabeth II is technically still the leader. I think she might be on some of their money, too.
Thinking of money, the GDP of the U.S. is roughly 15-20 times larger than our sibling’s. This — along with our youthful rebelliousness — has given us a particular swagger. The United States is an imperial superpower. We can do things that almost all other nations cannot do. (And probably would not do for that matter.)
It will be interesting to see how these differences and similarities appear from the opposite side of the globe. Stay tuned.
* — And then there’s Canada. I love Canada dearly, so I’ll just leave them be for now.
** — I’ve watched “Strictly Ballroom” and “The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert” probably a dozen times each and the only things I can say with any kind of convincing accent are “Hard?! You think this is hard?” and “bogo pogo.” I’ve decided that the best thing I can do in Australia is to talk like John Wayne.
*** — I’ve finally decided that the whole water down the drain thing isn’t (completely) an urban myth. Hey, precession happens. But the effect is so slight that you can say whatever you want.