Blunt Lancet Interview

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you no doubt have heard about Blunt Lancet’s new album that’s set to drop soon. Thanks to some connections, I got an advance copy of the CD, which I’ve had on heavy rotation. The band’s A&R team is really pushing the group, even helping make a VH1 “Behind the Music” episode.

But I don’t think they’re too happy about a leaked Rolling Stone interview with “Lancer,” the band’s faithful roadie. Here’s the full, previously unpublished article with details of an (as yet) unknown tell-all book about the band.

Kenny Powers from 'Eastbound and Down'

Rolling Stone: Lancer, you’ve written a book called Logbook: My Life on the Road with Blunt Lancet

Lancer: You know, it was originally supposed to be called F**k the D-Police: It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold our Blood Sugars Back.

RS: Really?! So how did it end up as —

L: Logbook? Yeah, I wasn’t too happy about that. I mean the band hates logbooks. But the lawyers made us do it, you know? Both Chuck D and Ice Cube threatened to sue. And if there’s one thing I wanna steer clear of, it’s that whole East Coast / West Coast bullsh*t.

RS: In your book, you reveal that the band had different names in the past, too. I think most die-hard fans know about the performances (and bootlegs) by “Dull Poker,” but what were some of the other names?

L: Yeah, there were about a dozen names the band used or considered. Most of them never came to anything, but we did produce a couple 45s under a couple of the names. [Conspiratorially] That’s something for you vinyl junkies out there to be on the lookout for.

RS: And what were some of those names?

L: Oh, right. Well, they tried “The Fab-104s” and “The BGs.”

That last one actually was the thing that got the band together, you know. We were all sitting around in Raw Sugar‘s basement when the BeeGees came on the “Hi Fi,” and we’re all thinking “We gotta check our blood sugar.” So Testkit, who was feeling a little hypo at the time pulls out a guitar and just starts riffin’ on “Stayin’ Alive.” And I’m thinking, “Hey, I think we really might have something here.”

RS: You tell in the book about the band’s troubled relationship with British heavy metal band Motörhead.

L: Tossers!

RS: Care to explain?

L: See, we were initially named “Blünt Lancet,” ’cause, ya know, it sounded really f**cking cool when Syringe would try to say it with his Aussie’s faux German accent. Anyway, we scrapped the umlaut because when we put the “U” with the dots on the drum kit — well, it just looked a bit too happy for the hardcore mood we were trying to set. That didn’t stop motherfü**ing Motörhead from using it. And “Ace of Spades?” PLEASE! We played those losers “A1Cs of Spades” one day, and they just totally ran with it. . . . “And don’t forget the poker. . . . Ace of Spades!”

RS: “Ace?”

L: Yeah, the “1″ is silent. What else do you wanna know, man?

RS: They’re not the only musicians you’ve feuded with in the past, though. Brian Eno, for example.

L: If you want to call that atmospheric stuff “music.” [pause] I see that you do.

It’s like this. The group is always up for switching it up. I mean we started punk/disco. Went country for a bit. Threw some R&B into a few albums. But all that “made for soundtrack music” that he wanted us to do was just dull as sh*t. I mean he’s a great producer, but I think he took the band’s name a little too seriously.

RS: Not to keep going on a sour note, but Motörhead wasn’t the only group that you “inspired.”

L: That’s right. Def Leppard pretty much stole “Pour Some Sugar on Me” from our B-side “I’m Low And I Need Some Juice.” That was something our (two-armed) drummer, Pancreas, said when we were on tour with them, and she wrote down the melody in the 15 minutes it took to rebound. That’s partly why it’s so ridiculous. People are always stealing our stuff.

RS: From time to time the results of working with other artists must be a little more positive. Any you want to share?

L: Well there was this one time we were all hanging out in the back of the bus with Carly Simon, and we were checking our BGs again, and Pumps was like “You’re all veins.” Carly was beside herself with joy. I don’t want to be too egotistical, but really that song is all about us. I got a writing credit on it, you know.

RS: Pumps?

L: F*******k! Backup singer — Sh*t! I swore I wasn’t going to say anything about that Fleetwood Mac-like period of the band. They were great times, but the drama. Both Pumps and Bumps were fighting over supplies and got busted by the D Police all the f**king time, man.

RS: Bumps?

L: Next question!

[We suspect that either "Pumps" or "Bumps" might be K2, the former lead singer of the on-again-off-again Insulin Whores Riot Grrrrl punk trio. — RS]

RS: When —

L: I don’t think I mentioned in the book that we got kicked out of East Germany. . . . We were playing some underground venues, but we overstayed our “diplomat” visas by a few hours. So they showed us to the border. We had to watch the wall come down from a bar in Frankfurt. It’s a shame. 24 hours later, and we might have been playing “Rage Bolus” from atop the wall.

We got kicked out of Tuscaloosa, too.

RS: So what’s next for the band?

L: Well, I’m just the roadie.

RS: Now you’re being modest.

L: Or maybe a bit coy. I don’t want to jinx anything. [Pause] We’re trying to get a bunch of bands together for SugaPalooza. The Insulin Whores, SugaSheen, George Simmons, . . . maybe even the alt/contemporary-classical group Langerhans Quartet. They’re hard to get. And weird, man.

RS: Motörhead?

L: Funny. Are we done here?

This entry was posted in Diabetes, Historical Record, Life Lessons, Worthy Feeds. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Blunt Lancet Interview

  1. Mo "Moby" Bishop says:

    Too Funny! They should have talked about the tribute album Aerosmith released, Pump. Those hits like F.I.N.E., Going down, Monkey on My Back, Water Song, The Other Side, Don’t Get Mad/Get Even, HooDoo/Voodoo Medicine Man, and What it Takes.

    Many people don’t remember that was a tribute album. Aerosmith wanted to keep it on the down low because they didn’t want to have a direct connection to Insulin junkies. They did their time in rehab and didn’t want to chance the relapse.

    Great Job Jeff!

  2. Mike Hoskins says:

    AWESOME interview! Love it, and can’t wait for SugaPalooza!

  3. OK, now I really want there to be a real Blunt Lancet band… somebody needs to get on that…

  4. jackie says:

    whhhaaatt?? this is great!

  5. Kim says:

    Okay, I just realized that, while I commented on the wondefulness that is this post on Twitter, I did not express those feelings here, on the actual post.

    DUDE. This is hilarious, and I love it.

    Blunt Lancet 4 life!

  6. Pingback: About Motorhead « Just Talking

  7. Pingback: About Motorhead « A Consequence of Hypoglycemia.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>