Category Archives: MetaBlogging

My mother — whom I love dearly and who made a delicious Thanksgiving dinner today — read about a billion pages of this here weblog last night. That’s great! She’s more-or-less the person I have in mind when I write about diabetes for people who don’t have it.

Imagine my surprise, when this morning over breakfast she said, “You’re really struggling with your diabetes, huh?” I have had my struggles and frustrations with diabetes recently, but I don’t feel like I “struggle” with it.

I asked Lisa about this. “Well, you have had a lot of frustrations with it recently. And you’ve been writing about them.”

It seems like all of this writing about diabetes and my process of trying to get my blood sugar to do what I want may be giving you, my dear non-PWD readers, the wrong impression. While I get frustrated when I do something and it doesn’t work, resulting in high or low blood glucose readings, I don’t feel like I’m struggling. I try to be pragmatic and learn something from the experience so that it doesn’t happen the same way next time. And although I’ve been known to wonder whether I’m ever going to be done with these teachable moments, I’m trying to maintain my charming stoicism and faith that there are solutions to my pancreas/paperweight-related issues.

Lisa is undoubtedly correct that it may seem like I’m struggling with diabetes more these days mainly because I’m writing about it more. In that case, perhaps I’ve missed the mark a bit. I was hoping (a) to humanize my illness a bit, to show that diabetes self-management is not mired in old one-size-fits-all rules, to get across the fact that people with diabetes can have as normal lives as anyone else and (b) to present useful information for other people with diabetes, to add to the repository of what works and what doesn’t, to teach what I know and what I’ve learned through experience and second-hand.

With all that said, I did want to share more successes with you than I have been able to present. I was kind of expecting that by this point in November I would be able to tell you that I have all of my basal rates and bolus ratios and sensitivity factors sorted out. And in particular, I was really hoping that I could show y’all what I do with exercise that leaves my blood sugar where I want it. But, while I’m making progress, it’s coming quite slowly. (Although, I feel happy to share that the last couple of times that I’ve gone for a run in the morning, my readings have stayed almost exactly unchanged. More about that later.)

So as I finish up this Thanksgiving dispatch, I want to say that I’m thankful for my Mom and all of her love, friendship, and maternal concern. And I’m thankful for Lisa, the best wife and friend I could ever hope for, who decided to love me even more after I was diagnosed with diabetes and who has helped me through the actual struggles and frustrations with it. I’m thankful for all of my friends and coworkers who enrich my life and treat me like just another person and yet have shown remarkable interest in my illness. And I’m thankful for you, my readers; without you these would just be self-indulgent ramblings.

See y’all here again tomorrow.

I’m going to be writing a lot about diabetes over the coming month. Turns out, I have a lot on my mind about my chronic illness. Despite having had it for ten years, I feel like I’m still fairly unskilled at managing it. Basically, I know my readings could be better, and I’ve learned a lot recently about how to get where I want to be.

So why am I going to write about diabetes? Lots of reasons.

First, diabetes still has a lot of dark, mysterious corners. If I could have one wish — besides being cured — it would be to be able to predict with better accuracy what will happen from one day to the next. I hope to share helpful bits about what I’ve learned, what’s working, what could have gone better, and what still confuses me. And I hope to hear from other people with diabetes about what works for you.

Because diabetes is mysterious and evolving, it’s surrounded by misconceptions. If I can help any of my regular readers understand diabetes better, maybe I can prevent them from worrying so much about me. (Although I definitely appreciate all of your heartfelt concern.)

I want to contribute to a middle layer of knowledge on the web, a layer that fits between the insipid generalities that are too vague to help anyone but the absolute beginner and the overly technical information aimed at endocrinologists. I believe people with diabetes should be our own advocates, and that starts with having the courage to speak with our healthcare team members as peers rather than in the traditional doctor-patient hierarchy. Until we better understand what’s happening in our own bodies when we eat, take insulin, exercise, etc., we won’t be able to do that. And until we increase the visibility of what it’s like to live with diabetes, doctors are going to continue to discount our point-of-view.

(By the way, I very much put myself in the don’t-know-it-all-by-a-long-shot category. While I consider myself something of a “health geek,” I’m just a novice. I took an anatomy/physiology class many years ago. And while it was the most information dense and enjoyable class I ever took, it just scratched the surface of how a body works. Every time I read something in a medical book or article online, the depth of my ignorance becomes more profoundly obvious. But I’ll share what I do know, collecting shiny bits of diabetes knowledge here in my curiosity shop. :^) )

Sometimes I just have to write stuff down so that I don’t forget. On occasion this has saved my bacon. For example, on Columbus Day, while adjusting my pump settings at work, I managed to delete most of my basal rates. Fortunately I was able to call Lisa at home — unlike me, she had the day off — and she was able to tell me the values I had written in my journal for just such a “Holy shit!” moment. And, although logging might not be fun, it is useful. These dispatches can serve as persistent memory (not just shared memories).

And finally, for all of these reasons, my “control” over my own illness isn’t where I want it to be. My A1c of 7.6% (down from 8.6% a year ago) is higher than I want it. My ability to “follow the rules” (my own, much less my endocrinologist’s) is compromised by the knowledge that (for me) these rules are based on false assumptions about my insulin needs and sensitivity. So I flail around a bit, especially when it comes to exercise. Changing anything related to diabetes takes a lot of trial and error. Writing about it seems like good, inexpensive therapy. And if you’re in the same boat with me, maybe we can take this trip together.